Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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