We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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