the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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