Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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