Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize