I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
