yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
