FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
