Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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