I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
