just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
