Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
