i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
