you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
