I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We are two peas in an std pod
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
