New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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