i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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