Hey man sorry I got all grabby
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
