Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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