i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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