one two three fourrrrnication!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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