You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what day is it and did you see me today?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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