I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
