i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
