Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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