I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
