i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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