I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
