i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
