Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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