You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
