Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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