I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
