my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
