The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
