So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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