I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
