I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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