I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
