im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
