You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
