is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
