i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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