woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
