I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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