I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
