So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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