I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
