Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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