Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish my penis had a tongue
high people should be assigned attendants
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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