Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
