He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
