So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
