That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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