Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
