Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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