dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
