i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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