I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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