we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
