whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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