Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
