Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
