trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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