I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
