Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize