That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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