He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
