We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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