If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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