i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
