Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
