umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
