Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
