We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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