If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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